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Thoughts on the Life and Ministry of Marilyn Bennett Hillyer August 6, 2006
The Call to Worship Today we come to celebrate and commemorate the life of Marilyn Bennett Hillyer, one of God’s choicest gifts. Marilyn was born on April 8, 1936 in Jackson, Tennessee to Howard C. and Mary Lee Bennett, and as was so wonderfully put in her written obituary, Marilyn was promoted from Hospice to her heavenly life on August 2, 2006. Marilyn attended Kilgore High School and graduated from Baylor University in 1956 with degrees in journalism, history and English. Marilyn had a love affair with learning that never stopped. She taught so many people how to be better followers of Christ in so many different Sunday School classes. She was a master teacher because of her insightful lessons and her ability to listen to questions. Marilyn loved the questions because they were always the invitation to further learning. Marilyn was a Deacon in our church and active in the Baptist General Convention of Texas, serving on its Executive Board as well as many others. Marilyn married Bill on July 20, 1956 and recently celebrated their fiftieth anniversary. Bill and Marilyn made a magnificent team serving our country and our Lord in so many places — they were stationed in 17 different places during Bill’s tenure in the Air Force. As they traveled together Marilyn’s intelligence and expertise led her to all kinds of assignments — from being the editor of the Hawaii Baptist newspaper to being a docent in Iolanni Palace, the home of the last king and queen of Hawaii. On the various air bases in which they served Marilyn was renowned in her work with wives of airmen. The praise for her work came in the best sort of way in that so much of her work was done inconspicuously with no regard for acclaim. Upon retirement, Marilyn and Bill moved to Tyler. Here they cared for her mother and Marilyn edited the monthly newsletter for the Alzheimer’s Association. Part of their coming to Tyler was their active involvement here in the church where Marilyn made such a significant difference. Family was extremely important for Marilyn. She was preceded in death by her parents, Dr. Howard C. and Mary Lee Bennett. She is survived by her beloved husband, Bill Hillyer, two daughters and sons-in-law — Susan Kate and Kip Mouser of Tyler and Frances and Roger Ridlehoover of Manhattan Beach, CA; four grandchildren — Laura Ridlehoover of San Francisco, CA, Dan Ridlehoover of Manhattan Beach, CA, Will Ridlehoover of Manhattan Beach, CA, and Katie Mouser of Tyler; two sisters and their husbands — Kate and John Fite of Lewisville, TX, and Susan and Ken Livingston of College Station, Texas; sister and brother-in-law, Mary and Charlie Harter of Houston, TX, as well as numerous cousins, nieces, nephews and their children. Marilyn was a rare gift from God, one from whom we have learned much. Her best teaching was a life devoted to Jesus Christ in Whom she never lost confidence or hope. In fact, her last Christmas card read: "This Christmas we claim the truth that the One Who came at Christmas never left. He promised, ‘I’ll be with you always, to the very end of the age.’ Whether it’s a memorable trip or a medical trudge, we don’t have to face anything alone, today or ever. David McGregor wrote, ‘Join the angels, join the chorus, join the praises — heaven’s song! God in Christ is with us . . . for us. Join the angels’ joyful song’ as we do this Christmas, along with each of you." Marilyn has indeed joined the angelic chorus and because of that she would want us to celebrate her homecoming. But if Marilyn was anything she was honest — and she would know that while we celebrate, we celebrate with a lump in our throats because we will miss her. It is a day of mixed emotions and we will honor Marilyn by seeking to be honest with those emotions, laughing at the incredulous good fortune that we should have had Marilyn in the first place; and crying because we will miss her. So we come to this place, this place Marilyn loved, to offer our gratitude for her. The wise philosopher/statesman, Dag Hammarsjold, sums up our need for worship on this day when he says: "For all that has been . . . thanks; to all that shall be . . . yes!" We come in gratitude for the life Marilyn Bennett Hillyer lived but we also gather in hope because of her commitment to Jesus Christ Who calls us to a Kingdom that is breaking in around us. . . Therefore, through the guidance of Christ let us worship together . . .
The Gospel Lessons: Luke 10: 38-42; John 11; John 12 The Meditation: Two of Jesus’ best friends were sisters named Martha and Mary. These two sisters were, as sisters are prone to be, as different as night and day. Martha was the practical one, a left-side-of-the-brain sort of woman who was the center pole of her family’s tent. That is, she kept everything together . . . in place . . . in operation. Martha was one of the world’s best managers, making sure things were taken care of, making sure people were taken care of. She had a sense of protocol and appropriateness like few others. She worked through systems because she knew how systems worked. Martha loved Jesus and made a place for Jesus, a place that allowed Him to be at home, physically and emotionally. Martha believed in Jesus, trusted in Jesus, and judging from her comments to Him on the seeming death of her brother, had an amazingly accurate theological understanding of Jesus. He was quite surely the resurrection and the life for her. Mary was her sister’s polar opposite. While she may have been aware of protocol she had little use for it when it came between her and Jesus. She loved to sit at Jesus’ feet, which should not be misconstrued to be some kind of dreamy adoration. Rather it was the intentional posture of one who wanted to be a disciple in the truest sense of the word. She, too, loved Jesus and made a home for Him, even going beyond the traditional boundaries in order to be with Him, going into that room in the house that was normally reserved for men and men only, just to sit at Jesus’ feet. And even in her grief over the seeming death of Lazarus, Mary comes to Jesus and does what? She falls and places herself at Jesus’ feet — literally and spiritually. Mary learned much from Jesus and some places of tradition state that Mary passed this on through teaching. Some even speculate that she may have written the book entitled Hebrews. Interestingly enough, after the raising of Lazarus we find ourselves at Martha and Mary’s house where many men have gathered to listen to Jesus. Both of the women were in their places again. Martha fixed the meal as a gift to God; and Mary had the audacity to come in and humble herself before Jesus teaching in ways she wasn’t even aware. But the point I would make this afternoon is that both women, these best friends of Jesus, served Him from their perspectives with unabashed devotion. Now, I suppose that many of you are thinking, "Well, this is fine and good, but where in the world is this going?" Well, I would say to you that Marilyn Bennett Hillyer has a lot in common with these two women. Marilyn was and is also one of Jesus’ best friends. Mary, Martha and Marilyn . . . Sounds like a music group — the Supremes. And they were supreme in their devotion to Jesus. I happen to think that Marilyn was like both of these women. Just see if you don’t agree . . Like Martha, Marilyn was an incredible homemaker. She gave organization a working definition. If you just venture into Marilyn’s kitchen you would know what I mean. The woman was so organized and structured — not only there but everywhere else — but in the kitchen things were arranged logically and the plates and bowls were lined up in such precise ways, even behind closed cabinet doors. Or check out her part of the study, always in order, always arranged so that she could put her hands on something within minutes. She was a stickler about being organized and was never satisfied that she had the perfect system because she was always reading books and articles on organization. The kids and grandkids laugh to remember how Marilyn taught them how to fold fitted sheets, how to collapse cereal boxes for the trash and how not to collapse Kleenex boxes because they could be used to collect the lint from the clothes dryer. One of the mantras Marilyn lived by and spoke of was, "Life is lived out in the details." It showed in her home, in her teaching, in her being a disciple. The woman was organized as well as anyone who has walked this earth. But like Martha, Marilyn’s sense of matriarchal responsibility was not just in keeping everything and one in place. She was also the epitome of care and compassion. There are countless stories of how Marilyn would take care of people in her Sunday School class or on the base or in her extended family. She was known for being there in the crunch times; she was known for getting money for people in difficulty; she was known for not just knowing the right thing, but doing the right thing. Marilyn was one of those people in a crisis who didn’t say, "What can I do to help?"; she just did it. Like the time in Hawaii when a missionary family was coming through and the husband unexpectedly died. While many were circling the bereaved spouse with "What can I do’s?", Marilyn went and picked up the children and took them home and took care of them. And this was not an isolated case. It was simply vintage Marilyn Hillyer. Just ask Trisha and Jeff — her niece and nephew, when in the midst of a crisis and Trisha’s mother, Kate, couldn’t come, who should show up but Marilyn and Bill, having driven all the way to Michigan out of care, to care . . . for them and theirs. Marilyn has this most unbelievable instinct of keeping the family straight through her organization, through her care, through her diligence. It was one of her ways — like Martha’s — of making a home for Jesus. But as practical as Marilyn was, there was this right-side-of-the-brain part of her that loved creativity and imagination and sitting at the feet of Jesus. Like Mary, Marilyn had an intellectual curiosity that made her education a continuing one. She loved questions . . . questions posed to her and questions posed by her. It was a hallmark of her remarkable gift of teaching. And the truth is we didn’t always like Marilyn’s questions — they made us uncomfortable but in the end, they made us better. You see, Marilyn was determined for us to use our mental capacities in study and in life. She was not given to letting us become intellectually lazy. She challenged us to be all we can be. Marilyn loved the underdog, and took great care for those on whom society was especially hard. However, she wasn’t particularly fond of the haughty, the arrogant, the rude. The truth was "she didn’t suffer fools gladly." An example of this was a time at one of the Air Force parties when one of Bill’s bosses was hounding Marilyn about taking a drink. She replied with that rapier wit of hers, "Walt, I can only handle one sin at a time and my sin is lying . . . and you’re one of the nicest guys I know." Walt just nodded, not knowing he had just been sliced and diced. Marilyn did have that wry, dry sense of humor that would pop a witty retort and then she would cut her eyes to see if you were clever enough to catch it. I loved that about her. But I also love the many things she taught us — either overtly or by example. Her cousin Bob sent Marilyn a letter upon hearing of her death, quite confident she would receive it in heaven. In this letter he gives us an eloquent litany of the lessons Marilyn taught us. He writes: "You taught me that the strength of your character and the power of your faith can lead you on the journey through life. You taught me about how love and hard work can make a marriage a lasting success. (It didn’t hurt that you chose as your partner one of the world’s great men!) You taught me how the unconditional love and hands-on attention of a parent to children can put them on the path to their own remarkable achievements of character and accomplishment. You taught me how a military spouse is as vital to our country’s freedom as any soldier, sailor or airman in uniform. You taught me how faith in God is a living, breathing force that should instruct all facets of our life and make it worth living.
You taught me how one person really can make a difference in people and the world around them. You taught me how a sense of humor is one of life’s most useful blessings. You taught me that God gives us gifts so that we can share them with others. You taught me that a woman can do most any hard job there is worth doing, and probably do it better than a man. You taught me that the act of dying can be done with grace and courage, and that the stress and pain of a long illness is hard, but it gives us a chance to say our goodbyes."1 I love those insights from Bob because they speak for all of us. Marilyn was indeed a master teacher whose lessons will continue to guide us. She was like Mary of old, I think. Like her Marilyn didn’t hesitate to sit at the feet of Jesus. You might call her a feminist in the best sense of that word. What I mean by that is that Marilyn wasn’t aggressive in a militant sort of feministic way. She didn’t step over the boundaries in some sort of power-seeking ploy. Rather, she simply moved the boundaries back in her unapologetic devotion to follow Jesus whenever and wherever. I told Marilyn on several occasions that in a different time Marilyn would have been one of the premier seminary professors. Her intellect, her discipline, her care would have made her a model of ministry for ministers. Why, even in the male-dominated age in which she lived she became a pastor’s pastor. Just ask the number of ministers who conversed with Marilyn in some of the theological chat rooms on the Internet. There is no telling how many pastors she rescued from mediocrity or lack of responsibility to speak the truth and speak it in love. I guess that’s why so many from around the country have written their heartfelt regrets for Marilyn’s passing. You see, she was their pastor. You see, she was our pastor. Marilyn Hillyer was, in short, a disciple of Jesus, and what she learned, she taught. And the guiding principle, her hermeneutic, was the trust in the love of Christ. And no one knows this any better than her family. Bill, I think you two both have learned and taught this lesson. We have loved how you loved her, with that fierce love that the prophet describes as hesod — a love that will not let go. And daughters, sons-in-law, grandchildren, sisters and cousins, she loved you with an inexhaustible love, a love that is made exponential by how personal it was and is. You see, she practiced what Augustine preached when he said, "God loves us as if we were the only person in the whole world, and God loves each of us that way." God does and so does Marilyn. She loves you and believes in you. So, however you picture her, whether postured on the couch in those early morning devotions, journaling her intimate thoughts and prayers in dialogue with God or teaching, standing behind a podium prepared in heart and mind, or on the other end of the telephone or the computer, Marilyn’s picture now glows with a heavenly radiance of one who is now home with Jesus. My own thought is this. While once she was a docent in the palace that housed the last king and queen of Hawaii, she is now the docent in charge in the palace that houses the once and eternal King of all creation. I thank God for that; I thank God for Marilyn Bennett Hillyer.
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